Category: Crisis Intervention

Essential Component to Happy Relationships

Have you ever had a partner hurt you?

Do you have needs that your loved one doesn’t meet? Do you feel depressed, angry or resentful towards someone you care about? Are you hungry/starving to fill a void in your life and have a need desperatly met?

Forgiveness is an essential component of any happy relationship. It is inevitable that people will make mistakes but it is essential to know when and how to forgive. It is natural for a loved one who has been wronged or hurt to develop resentment that can fester for many years and ruin the chance for any happiness. Yet if the resentful party values the marriage more than being right and more than being angry, they can find the love and compassion that make forgiveness possible.

Infidelity is one of the most hurtful mistakes that a married person can make. Sexual infidelity is an attack on the sacredness of marriage, on its essence. Yet infidelity is always a joint effort. The spouse who has been wronged needs to understand what they have contributed to the other spouse’s infidelity. No one is unfaithful to a spouse who satisfies all of their Six Human Needs. Are you blaming someone else for your unhappiness? If you are feeling wronged by a loved one find out if you are truly satisfying the other’s 6 Human Needs!

1. CERTAINTY – Certainty that we can be comfortable – to have pleasure and avoid pain. Code words for certainty are comfort, security, safety, stability, feeling grounded, predictability and protection.

2. UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY – Variety and challenges that exercise our emotional and physical range. Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well-being all require uncertainty, exercise, suspense, variety and surprise. Code words for Uncertainty/Variety are instability, change, entertainment, suspense, exertion and surprise.

3. SIGNIFICANCE – Every person needs to feel special, important, needed and wanted. Code words for Significance are pride, importance, achievement, performance, perfection, evaluation, discipline and competition.

4. CONNECTION/LOVE – Everyone needs Connection with other human beings, and everyone strives for and hopes for Love. Code words for Connection/Love are togetherness, passion, unity, warmth, tenderness and romance.

5. GROWTH – Everything is either growing or dying. We need to constantly develop emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.

6. CONTRIBUTION – We all desire to go beyond our own needs and give to others. Everything in the universe contributes beyond itself or is eliminated.

When partners find it difficult to forgive and are withholding love, affection or support, they need to open their heart and find the love and compassion that make it possible to forgive.

The infidelity is usually a symptom of a much larger issue that underlies the relationship and that needs to be addressed.

 

It’s NO shock why our children are suffering

 

We don’t wake up every morning saying ..”How can I ruin my child’s life today?” Well most of us do NOT! Our parents didn’t either. They were fighting their own inner battle. We are a product of our environment. We’ve all heard, “We become who we spend time with.”

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”  ~Jim Rohn

Over 90% of families suffer from some type of dysfunction in the home along with all the trauma some children are facing leave lasting  damaging results that limit them from being their best self. Our wiring comes from our life experiences. As parents we often feel hopeless, or tell ourselves, “That’s just how teenagers are, or I’ve tried everything.”  We often don’t understand ourselves, making it very difficult to understand our teenager (creatures).

We are living in a world of  rapidly developing technology, fast paced doing. We are Human beings..not Human doings.  If we don’t take the time to create balance, heal ourselves, learn coping skills and strategies to reduce stress, anxiety, depression and break- through to learn what we can do differently, that is starts with us,  the patterns we learned sub-consciously will continue through a dysfunctional cycle. Our conflicts cannot be resolved in the same energy that created them. When we raise our awareness we are able to see how we are showing up to others and bringing our past pain into the relationships we have with our children, taking it out on them and reacting from stress/conflict rather than from our core (best self) and responding.  Be kind to yourself, you love your children, question is.. do you know how to love yourself? We can’t properly love others and meet their needs when we don’t even know how to love ourselves.

There is much hope!  My mission is to help raise the awareness in as many individuals and families as I can to create more peace and love in the home.  When you think you’ve tried everything…you haven’t if you were trying to resolve conflict with the same hopeless and frustration thinking.  It’s not your fault, and there’s much that can be done to heal ourselves, help our children and have a happier, safer home!